It's my birthday. And exactly 6 months since my dad died. Don't think that didn't get past me.

It's my birthday.  And exactly 6 months since my dad died.  Don't think that didn't get past me.  Oh, how I miss him.  How I miss his phone calls, his text messages, his sweet smile, his concern for me, his love for me.  It's my first birthday in my whole entire life without talking to my daddy.  I never even thought it was a possibility he would be gone so stinking soon.  But gone he is, gone to something far grander than this life had to offer. 

I've been reading his letters tonight, absorbing the words and relishing in his thoughts for me.  I grasp onto them for comfort, to find the love that I'm missing, the love that can only come from my daddy.  I look for solace amongst his eloquent handwriting, the slope of his penmanship, the love that poured on the paper through the overflowing words of his heart.  How special those words are to me.  How I will always treasure them. I will pour over them for years to come, longing to feel just a piece of him with me.  And as I do, I will feel a peace that I was loved.  Unconditionally.  Abundantly. 

To have an earthly father like I did was a special blessing.  And to have a Heavenly Father like I have is so promising.  As I read the letters from my dad, I also pour my soul into his Bible, looking for comforting scriptures, for hope, for joy, for peace, for renewal of my heart.  As I read my Heavenly Father's letters to me,  I'm overwhelmed with comfort, I find the love that I'm missing, the love that can only come from my Father.  My Jesus.  How special those words are to me. How I will always treasure them.  I will memorize the words so that I can pour over them in times of sadness, in times of distress, in times of needed hope.  And as I do, I know I will feel a peace that I was loved.  Unconditionally, abundantly, and eternally. 

2 fathers.  One earthly.  One Heavenly.    Blessed.   

Dear Jesus,
I long to be perfectly whole.  I want Thee forever to live in my soul.  Thank you for washing me, washing me whiter than snow. Please instill in me the eagerness to dive into your Word, to study it, to know it.  To study myself approved unto You, to hide Your word in my heart, to live unabashedly for You.  To shine.  Just shine.  And tell my daddy I love him.  Tell him how proud I am of him.  I love you, Lord. 

A birthday card from my dad.  I've shared it before, but it's a great one to read again.

Ashley,

 

I hope this day will be a happy day for you.  You bring such joy and happiness to my life.  The Lord truly blessed me when he sent you to me.

 

I am so very proud of you.  You have a loving spirit that is very refreshing in the day in which we live. 

 

I love you so very much that words cannot express the depth of my love for you.  Always remember no matter how old you get that you are Daddy's little girl.  Daddy will always be here for you!

 

Birthdays come and go and the presents you get, they sometimes lose their luster, so I want to give you a gift that will last forever.  What is it?  It is some advice.  Are you ready?  Ok.

 

If you want to be truly happy in this life, stay very close to God.  Read your Bible and pray.  Share some of God's love with another person on a daily basis.  Don't look for what you can get but rather look for what you can give. 

 

And remember,

Daddy loves you!

 

Dad, you were really challenging me with that.  But I'm going to try.   It seems like every day something tries to get in the way, and that I fall short, but I'm going to figure it out.  One day at a time.  I miss you, Dad. I miss you so, so much.  I know when I sing or play this last stanza of "How Great Thou Art" that this is exactly what you did upon entering Heaven's gates. 

 

When Christ shall come,

With shouts of acclamation,

And take me home,

What joy shall fill my heart!

Then I shall bow

In humble adoration

And there proclaim,

"My God, how great Thou art!"