Miss Him

It's been three years.  Three years at this time I was in labor.  31 hours to be exact.  I'm not soon forgetting it, either.  My grandma Bryant and Michael's grandma Coomes stayed the whole time.  Bless their hearts.  My grandma wanted so bad for that baby to be born on her birthday- July 21, and trust me, so did I.  But it just wasn't meant to be.  I can't believe it's been three years now that I've gotten to be a momma.  I absolutely love it.  It's the most fun thing I've ever done.  It's the most exhausting, but the most exhilarating time of my life.  It's the most challenging, yet most rewarding.  I love my little Cohen.



Newborn sweet baby!

 

Cohen's 1st birthday!

                                                                       Cohen's 2!

                                                                     This year- silly boy

I've been getting ready for Cohen's birthday party tomorrow.  But my heart aches because my dad won't be here.  I miss him so much.  I. Miss. Him.  I just miss him.  I missed him last week on vacation- I would always call him and check in and tell him how it was going.  I missed that. I wanted to tell him how much fun we were having, how pretty the water was, just hear his voice.  A part of me is missing.  Not having him there tomorrow will make my heart ache .  Cohen not knowing his pawpaw makes my heart break.  I just can't believe he's still gone.  Gone forever.  It stinks.  I missed him yesterday, I miss him today, and I'm going to miss him still tomorrow.  I wish he were still here.  I wish we had known his heart hurt.  I wish we could've helped him. 

It's been one year since I took these picture.  Last year, on July 21, we had a birthday celebration for my Grandma Bryant.  A big fish fry. I'm glad I took these sweet pictures.  Dad was so tired the next day at Cohen's birthday party.  I still have the text he sent me telling me he was sorry he left early.  I wish I could get another text from him. 

I know without a doubt that Dad's in a better place.  The best place.  I know he's loving it.  But it's going to take me a while to get used to him not being here.  I can't even talk about him without crying.  That's why I blog.  I can talk about it here.  I can say what I need to say and feel better.