All my life I've been a dreamer. Not just figuratively, either, :-). Very much literally. I have wild, crazy dreams, and it amazes me the details that I can remember from these dreams. Dreams can totally mess with one's head, you know. Some of them can feel so real- emotions can run so high; it's just truly exhausting to sleep some nights. Haha, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but sometimes I do feel a little worn out after all of my night escapades.
I have mixed feelings about my dreams. Some of them leave me feeling content, happy, excited- but others suck the life right out of me. I don't have those very often, thank goodness. I just wanted to write about my dream last night. I wish more than anything it was a video, so I could play it again and again because, as with any dream, it will fade with time. I've been hanging on to it all day.
I was with some friends at a strange house, and I was going on and on about my life, describing all of the things that were happening and telling them about how happy I was. These people knew all of this about me, so I couldn't figure out why I kept on telling them, until I noticed someone in the corner. It was my dad sitting in his old recliner from years ago. I was going on and on because I wanted him to hear me, wanted him to be proud of me. And then he did pull me to the side, gave me a hug, and told me he was so proud of me and the life I had.
The dream went on; of course I can't remember all of the details, but I remember the last part vividly. I asked him if he was coming to Cohen's birthday party, and he said he wouldn't miss it for the world. He was standing at the counter reading the newspaper. I broke down and just started crying, telling him how sorry I was for not spending more time with him. It was one of those really awful dream cries, where you're heaving and can barely breathe. He put the paper down, looked at me, and said, "Now you know, Ashley Nicole, that no matter what ever happens in this life, nothing could ever change how much I love you. Nothing. You mean the world to me." It was just so real. I literally woke up crying. I miss him so much.
I'm writing about this dream because I don't ever want to forget it. It was like he was really here. I need to remember it. It was like he came to see me last night. I know that he didn't really, but it was just so comforting. Even though it has made me feel so sad today, at the same time, to have a conversation with him, even if it was in my dream, was just so wonderful. And I've had other dreams about him, but they were much sadder, and I'd rather let them go. This one was a gentle reminder of who he was. My daddy. Oh, I wish he were here to hug me. To tell me he loves me one more time.
Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
These from last year's fourth of July.
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