A Little Cohen Talk

                                                      Some of Cohen's conversations: 

 

I put him in the car today, "Hello, Darling," he says to me.  :-)

 

Heard him in the hall playing with his trucks:  "Hey, God.  Help  Nate Nate feel better.  He needs to stop peeing on the floor.  Hey, God.  Tell PawPaw Gene hey.  He's in Heaven."

 

He told me one night that PawPaw Gene was in Heaven having lots of fun playing with lots of toys.

 

In the car the other day, he said, "Where's PawPaw Gene, Mommy?" 

And I told him he knew where he was. 

He said, "He's in Heaven.  I wanna see Heaven, Mommy."

"We can't see Heaven, Cohen."

"So PawPaw has a flashlight so he can see, Mommy?"

 

 

Overheard him in his room tonight.  He had this Bible storybook laid out on the floor talking to the picture of Jesus. 

"How's your day, Jesus? You want to go hunting?  You see any deer, Jesus?  Back that tractor up, Jesus."

When I get sad about Dad, he says, "You sad, Mommy?  You miss PawPaw? Here, Mommy.  Here's one of my babies."  He'll give me one of his babies and wrap one of his blankets around me.  And he's obsessed with those babies.  Especially baby duck- the white one pictured below.  So when he gives me that one, I know I'm lucky.

 

 

A little conversation with George. 

 

 
I must write down what he says more often.  He cracks me up and amazes me with the stuff he says sometimes.  I need it to remember these days.  I'm so blessed by him.

Easter fun!

Easter pictures this year went better than ever before!  First the Easter Bunny picture:

Went way better than last year's!  Haha!

What a difference a year makes!
Speaking of...

Last year's spring pictures- Look at that sweet baby!

And this year's spring pictures!  He's grown so much!  And we love Mrs. Ollie Jean.  She's awesome.

 

 

And we had lots of Easter fun with our buddies Leigh Parker and Brett Daniel.  They painted crosses and of course, the day wouldn't be complete without painting ourselves!  Love these kids!

 

 

The finished product! How cute!!!

 

 

 

 

And we dyed Easter eggs with the family!  It was quite interesting.  Michael is not as laid back as me when it comes to messes and has a tendency to become a little uptight and easily agitated.  But it's okay; there's lots that he's way better at than me.  So...we dyed them as a family one day...

 

 

 I baked the eggs in the oven as suggested on pinterest.  Worked out good to me!

 

 

 

 

And then Cohen and I painted them by ourselves the next day.  Much more relaxing. 

 

 

Four official Easter egg hunts:

 

Preschool Egg Hunt at Church

 

Egg Hunt at ERDC

 

 

Egg Hunt at Daycare

 

 

And Egg Hunt with the Family

 

 

 

 

Easter Sunday at church:

 

 

Such a good daddy!  Loves his boy!

 

Love this kid!

 

 

Love my family!

 

 

And almost forgot- Cohen and I made an Easter banner.  Loved it!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Faithfulness

Great is Thy Faithfulness

 

Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

“Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!“
  Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
    “Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:22-23
 

 There's one thing I can count on in this world.  One thing that will never change.  No matter what, it'll always be there.  Nothing will make it disappear.  God's great faithfulness.  He'll never forsake me.  He's my refuge and strength, the source of my salvation, in Him will I place my trust, whom shall I fear? The Lord thy God is with me.  Always.

I love the word refuge. It's truly one of my favorite words.  When I hear it, I automatically  hear the verse,  "God is our refuge and strength,  a very present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1   Refuge:shelter or protection from danger or distress.  It doesn't get any clearer than that.  He's there, waiting with open arms for us to come and lay our heads down and rest in Him.  Just rest in Him.  He's going to take care of us.  He's faithful.  Always. 

You are my hiding place;
    you will protect me from trouble
    and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7 

 

Dear God, be our hiding place.   Let us rest in You.  Deliver us.  Let us have faithfulness in You like never before.   

 

One of Dad's letters said, "If you want to be truly happy in this life, stay close to God.  Read your Bible and pray.  Share some of God's love with another person on a daily basis.  Don't look for what you can get, rather look for what you can give. 

We love you and miss you, Dad.  Thank you for teaching us about God's great faithfulness.  You are near to our hearts.  Always.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.



 

Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

 

Yesterday marked two months that my dad has been gone.  I missed him so much yesterday, and I didn't even think about the date until today.  I wrote about the hymn "Rock of Ages" in my last blog and how those words kept replaying in my head- "While I draw this fleeting breath, when mine eyes shall close in death, when I soar to worlds unknown, see thee on thy judgment throne, Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee."  I love these words, but it breaks my heart at the same time.  Yesterday, that was one of our hymns at church and it broke me to play it.  It really, really made me sad. 

 

But it's okay to be sad.  It's okay to mourn.  It's okay to be broken.  My dad would say it's okay because that means we have to go to Jesus for comfort, for peace, for guidance.  It means that Jesus is waiting with open arms to embrace us and be there for us.  There's not a doubt in my mind if I talked to him right now, that's what Dad would say.  And it's what he would want us to do.  It's Who he would want us to turn to.

 

I've been thinking that he can look down on us from Heaven and that he's watching us, until today.  I don't know if he is or not, but I kinda think he's too busy praising Jesus right now.  I also think that looking down on me might make him kinda sad, you know?  He probably wouldn't want me to be so heavy hearted and broken.  He would want his death to be something that makes me want to be a better person.  He would want something, lots of things, good to come from it.  If he were able to see all the times that I mess up, or the times that I sit and cry, it would just make him sad, and the Bible clearly states there are no more tears in Heaven.  Maybe he can see us; maybe he can't.  But if he can, I need to be giving him something to smile about.  I love the song that comes from Psalm 19:14:

 

"May the words of my mouth and thoughts of my heart bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus, And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do, it's time to live a life of love that please You

And I will give my all to You, surrender everything I have and follow You, I'll follow You."

 

That would be my dad's prayer for us, without a doubt.  And it's my prayer, too. 

 

I finally got my pictures off of my old phone.  Here are some of Cohen and Daddy.  Cohen loves talking about PawPaw.  He told me the other night on the way home from church that he wanted to go up in the sky so he could see PawPaw.  And today he told me he just wanted to talk to PawPaw Gene.  Me too, baby boy, me too.  I wish we could've had him just a little longer. 

 

The Old Has Gone; The New Is Here

My dad and Teresa bought this tree for Michael for his birthday a few years ago.  Neither of us our good at yard work, so when it survived the first year, I think we both were in shock.  This fall, in October, in a futile attempt to correct our septic system problems, we put new field lines down.  I was sad because that meant we had to move the tree.  Off to the backyard it went- forgotten. Literally.  I didn't even think about that tree until last week when I was walking around the yard, mesmerized by the newest and most perfect septic solution- our treatment plant. We are so proud of that, haha! I saw the tree, and I automatically teared up, so mad at myself that I hadn't watered it or even checked on it. That's how everything is now that has a connection with my dad.  I want to take extra special care of it.  I thought the tree was dead- it certainly looked dead, but I bent back a limb just to see.  It was green!  I was so excited.  And then today when I looked at it, I saw several blooms.  That's God. He's everywhere, and He answers prayers of a broken heart in the most simple ways- like through the life and beauty of this tree. And He reminds me of the life my dad has now.  2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come.  The old has gone, the new is here!"

Cohen keeps telling me lately, "Mommy, I love Jesus."  It's the sweetest thing and the sweetest words, and that's just how I feel.  I love you, Jesus.  You are my Comforter, my Healer, my Lord and King, my Redeemer.  You are my Immanuel, my Savior, my Listener, my Hiding Place.  Thank you, Jesus, for showing Your presence to me today in a special way. 

I miss my daddy.  I look for him everywhere I go,  and  I still think that it might be him when my phone lights up.  More than anything, I'm thankful that he gave me the spiritual background that I need to carry me through this.  I'm so glad he and my mom  made sure we were in church all the time.  Because you know what comforts me the most?  The simple hymns that we grew up singing.  I get sad, and one will inevitably pop in my head. 

This is the one that's been playing in my head nonstop lately. "Rock of Ages."  Let me hide myself in Thee. 

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyelids close in death,
when I soar through tracts unknown
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.

Spring is Flying in!

 

I absolutely love this time of year, especially now that I have a child.  Exploring new things with him and for him brings joy to my  heart.  He is happiness to me.  We started out the week flying kites.



Love that smile!

 

 

We started our Easter decorations this week, too.  I love making crafts, and he's my excuse for being able to do it all the time.  Although I love doing it, I'm quite messy about it and nothing is ever absolutely put together.  But that's okay.  He's having fun and so am I.

****okay I had all of these pictures I was going to put on here of him making his egg decorations and I can't get them to load.  I need a blogging lesson ASAP.  I'll try to figure it out later.

 



 



Still Grieving

Back at Christmas, during our Bunko party, we started talking about blogs and I told them how I wanted to start blogging.  I wanted to be a blogger. As obsessed as I am with my kid, I somehow let the whole baby book thing fall to the wayside- as in it's blank. BLANK.  Oops.  This is so not like me. So I thought blogging would be an excellent outlet to record all the cute and funny things he says and does.  Along with Facebook, haha.  So I went home and created a blog, still unsure of exactly how the whole thing would work.

God had a plan, didn't He?  Not even two months later, the blog has become a refuge for me.  I had no idea then that God had His master plan at work through something so simple.  Dealing with my dad's death has been so very hard.  I'm almost in denial about it, I think.  Either that, or I'm so totally comforted and at peace- I can't distinguish the two.  Maybe it's both.  But regardless, writing my feelings down has been the best thing to help me throughout this whole process.  This process I was not ready for. 

God had a plan, and it's selfish of me, but I simply don't like it.  I know Dad wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, but I want him here just a little longer.  I've written before about that last night I saw him- how I was chasing Cohen around the yard, but what I didn't say is I didn't hug him that night.  I'm so mad at myself for that.  Why didn't I take the time to hug him?  Why didn't I call him more, text him more, stop by more?  I'm so mad at myself. 

Based on what everyone says, regret is part of it.  Even if I had been the best daughter in the world, I would have regrets.  But it doesn't make me feel better right now.  Right now, I just miss my dad.  I want a hug and I want to see his smile.  I want to feel his unconditional love.  I want him to ask about his boy.  I want, I want, I want. I want him here.  I just can't believe he's not.  And that he'll never be here again. 

So I'll just keep going to the Father for comfort and assurance. There's not another option.

 Matthew 11:28-30
²⁸ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
²⁹ Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
³⁰ For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I will rest in Thee.  I will rest in Thee. 

Regardless of all my sad emotions, the flip side is that 80% of the time, I feel the peace that surpasses all understanding.  The peace of Christ.  Thank God for His peace.  It just so happens that right now, I'm feeling the 20% sorrowful time.   The scriptures below would make my dad smile. 

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

¹³ But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
¹⁴ For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
¹⁵ For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
¹⁶ For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
¹⁷ Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
¹⁸ Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

And one day, we'll be face to face again.  I'm thankful that through this heartbroken time, I have pulled out my Bible more and talked to the Lord more.  This song below is just what I needed to hear yesterday.  Cry out to Jesus. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=TAk8KBjB6Mo