Carry Me

I love making messes with my boy.  I want him to have fun and learn to be creative.  Last night, I showed him how food dye works.  We mixed in different colors with vanilla pudding, and he stirred away, sneaking in little bites as he went.  Then he finger-painted with the pudding.  He had a good time, but his favorite part was taking a bath afterwards.  He can't stand to be dirty. He loves a bath! 

He loves being a silly monkey, too.  He's been practicing jumping from the ottoman to the couch.  It's hilarious.  We know we shouldn't let him do stuff like this, but we'll work on it later, ha. 

Today has definitely been just another day.  Nothing exciting at all. We stayed home all day long in our pajamas.  Cohen has been giving me some much needed sleep.  He slept until 9 this morning, then took a nice long nap.  He's my sunshine.  He can always make me smile.  Of course, in the next minute, he can also make me scream, but what can you say?  He's a two year old boy. 

I've really been missing my dad the past couple of days.  I want to hear his voice again.  I want him to be here so badly.  Cohen has been so sweet.  He'll catch me tearing up and automatically knows why.  "You sad, Mommy?  You miss PawPaw Gene?"  And then he'll wrap me up in his blanket and give me one of his beloved babies.  My mom posted a verse on my wall that is so comforting, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18.  I'm still in disbelief that he's not ever going to be here again.  And yes, he's happy where he's at, but that doesn't make me stop missing him.  I want my daddy.  I never thought he wouldn't be here at this time in my life.  Of course, I know no one ever expects it, so that's nothing new, but it's new to me.  Grief is new to me, at least this kind of grief.  I know this is only the start of what is inevitably more and more grief in my life as people get older and pass away.  And it stinks.  I'm going to have to just keep drawing close to our Father.  It's what my daddy would want. 

Footprints
By: Margaret Fishback Powers

One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
There was only one set of footprints.
I realized that this was at the lowest
and saddest times of my life.
This always bothered me
and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You,
You would walk and talk with me all the way.
But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I just don't understand why, when I need You most,
You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you
and will never leave you, never, ever,
during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."