But lately, it's been so therapeutic just to write down my feelings during this trying time. I've never been quite so heartbroken before. Cohen asked me tonight if we could go see PawPaw Gene in Heaven. Not quite yet, baby boy, not quite yet. I'm so sad he's going to grow up without knowing him. The last time I saw my daddy, he was standing on his front porch, watching Cohen running away from me (his newest bad habit), and I yelled out to Dad, "I got the wrong kid, Dad!" I'll never forget the sound of his laughter at that. I was always the type (and still am) that all you have to do is give me a look and I'd straighten up. Cohen- not so much. He's like my brother, haha. Stubborn, hard-headed, and determined to make his presence known.
I keep thinking the same things over and over. I'm just so sad Cohen won't know him. I just can't believe it.
I found an old Valentine card from my mom and dad- 2/14/1998:
To My Girl,
You will probably never know how very special you are to me. I know that your life will always bring joy to the people that you touch. One of the greatest blessings God gave to me are my two children. I may not always do the right thing in this job as a father, but you must know that I do the best I can. I will not have you much longer as you are growing up faster than I care to admit. Yet my love for you will never end. I will always try to be a strong fortress for you to come to in your times of need. When life seems to get you down, you can know I will be lifting you up to our Father.
Love you forever,
Dad
I have no idea what Heaven is like or what he's doing up there right now, but I'm going to pretend, that in the midst of his rejoicing, he's lifting me up to the Father right now- that I'll be strong and that I will have peace. And I pray that for all of my family right now. That's what gives me comfort.
No comments:
Post a Comment