Today's God Wink- June 8

Summer time.  A season of renewal. A time to rest, relax, and rejuvenate. A time to rejoice.  It's what this girl has needed.   I seriously NEED this time.  My family needs it.  I need it to remind myself who I am, Whose I am, and what truly matters. I aim to reclaim and redirect.  So many re's...  But thankful for chances to start over.  Thankful for second, third, fourth chances. 

We started off with a bang- a spontaneous beach trip.  Literally last minute!  I love living like this- Impulsive should be my middle name! Usually, it gets me in trouble, but this time, we reaped the benefits.  It was such a fun, beautiful trip.  Exhausting, but wonderful.  Time spent with my mom, grandma, and sister-in-law, and the kids will be treasured forever.  I was especially delighted that my grandma got to come with us.  My grandma, of whom I have so much of her in me, who has taken me on countless journeys, making unforgettable memories- oh, how I love her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can't wait to watch the rest of the summer unfold, making more memories and spending time with my family.  We are so blessed.  But of course, I can't help but think as I do all of these fun, exciting things, that I don't have my dad to share it with.  I often think of him,  wishing I could call him to tell him about our fun days, or see his sweet smile one more time. 

We had an amazing group come sing at our church this morning- Adams Call.  The woman sang  "In the Shelter of His Arms," and it was breathtaking.  It was what I needed after thinking about my dad lately. 

 

The words:

 

 

 

When my soul was disturbed with sorrow
When my heart was burdened with sin
Jesus opened His arms of mercy
And tenderly took me in

There are storms that we all encounter
Do not fear they will do you no harm
In the Lord you will find protection
In the shelter of His arms

CHORUS:
There is peace in the time of trouble
There is peace in the midst of a storm
There is peace though the world be raging
In the shelter of His arms.

 

I'm so thankful for the shelter of His arms.  Today, for the first time, I took one of my dad's Bible's to church with me.  I probably shouldn't do it, because reading what he has written within the pages really stirs me up sometimes, but nonetheless, today I brought it.  So tonight, Bro. Billy opened with a verse and some thoughts about grieving the death of a loved one.  He quoted 1 Thessalonians 4:!3, " But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope."   God speaks, always.  It never ceases to amaze me.  I went to mark this verse in my dad's Bible, and I came across this:

 

 

Wow.  I'm again stunned by God's amazing mercy, to send little gifts like this to me during times that I'm really missing my dad.  I love this.  "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." And then Dad's words...If I should die before I wake... I mean, seriously.  How cool is this?  Right above a passage called "Our Heavenly Dwelling." I'm in awe that I have this priceless gift, this fervent reminder of my dad's unwavering faith. He knew where he was going.  He knew what was important.  And of course, ultimately, finding these words, both from my earthly father and my Heavenly Father, was an undeniable reminder of where my heart should be also. 

Thank you, sweet Daddy, for writing things down that I can cherish forever.  Thank you for giving us the best inheritance ever- the unwavering faith that we know where you are and who you loved.  Thank you for giving us hope. And thank you, my sweet Heavenly Father, for the ultimate book of letters and words of wisdom, for the perfect guidance for this crazy life.  Thank you for this undeniable God wink, as Mrs. Sharon calls them.   

 

Speaking in the Sweetest Moments

The thunder scared him earlier, and he came running to me. I asked him who was always with us when we're scared. He said,"Jesus, but He's not a mom." haha. It was a perfect opportunity to remind him that Jesus is far greater than mommy could ever be. And there's no doubt that all of this was perfectly orchestrated by Jesus to remind me of the same exact thing. My trust needs to remain in Him, not in anything else. He's far greater than any earthly fear or worry. It's a lot to grasp for a 3 year old. And far too often, it's a lot to grasp for this 32 year old. But I know who holds tomorrow. And I know who holds my hand. I'm thankful for a God who speaks to me in the sweetest moments, in the times just when I need Him most.

Journeying Through

 

I will not be shaken.

 I'm shaken everyday.

 

I will run and not grow weary, the race that is set before me.

I stumble over myself, exhausted, coming in last.

 

To the cross I cling.

Sometimes my grip is far looser than it should be.

 

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

My ground is a tad bit sinking.

 

He will cover me with his feathers.

I keep sneaking away from His protection, venturing out on my own.

 

Just shine.

There's a burning light, but is it for Jesus?

 

More than anything, I don't want to be a fraud.  I don't want to write about my love for Jesus, yet my life reflect otherwise.  I feel like I'm being torn lately- between what is right, what to do, and how to reflect Jesus' love and grace in the midst of it all. 

I'm not perfect; I have lots of flaws.  But I thank God for his mercy and his grace.  For his redemption.  His forgiveness.  For his new chances.  Great is his faithfulness.  Morning by morning new mercies I see. 

 



 I know God's constantly busy writing the story of our lives.  Actually, I'm pretty sure He already wrote it a long time ago, but regardless, we are living out the story.  But how do we know we are on the right path?  How do we know that the journey we choose is the one He desires for us to travel?  What if it's time to change chapters?

 

I've prayed so hard lately for God's peace, for a sign that everything is as He wants.  I pray constantly that I live my life for Him. I want my life to be more than just words on a page. But is this part of the plan?  To weather these storms and to experience these situations?  Is it preparing me for something bigger, something more revealing?  Or am I silencing God while He tries to speak to me because I want what I want and that's hard to give up?  How to know the difference.  That is the million dollar question.  I pray that courage will find me.  I pray that I will allow God to speak to me, to show me His desires for me.

 

 Just be still.  Be still.  And know that He is God.

 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

 

 

 

 

 

The Peace of God Will Guard Our Hearts

There's a little piece of my heart that always hurts.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of my dad.  Not a day goes by that I'm not overwhelmed by a deep sadness.  Sometimes the overwhelming sadness only lasts a few seconds, sometimes just a few minutes, but nevertheless, it comes every day.  Every. Single. Day.  And when it comes, I feel like my heart is being squeezed so tight, and it just hurts.  It aches. 

 

If I had another chance... the things I'd do differently.  Oh boy, would I try to be a better daughter.  I'd be more. It breaks my heart that my time with him is up.  Has been up for over a year.  It breaks my heart that Cohen will never know him.  Even over a year later, I'm still so shocked that I'll never see him again.  I'm not even kidding.  It's surreal to me.   

 

This year has definitely had its fill of stressful times, and I'm so quick to become wrapped up in anxiety. It's a major weakness for me.  In the back cover of one of my dad's Bibles, he has written, "Anxiety is mark of spiritual insecurity."   Ouch. But so true. I've covered my desk at school with Bible verses, and one of those verses is Philippians 4:6-7, " Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  This is one of my favorite sets of verses.  The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts.  Those words are full of amazing comfort.  As I was reading the verses tonight, I was drawn to the verses below it.  "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you."  I love these verses.  May I set my mind on the pure, the praiseworthy, the lovely.  May I find the good in everything I do, in everyone I encounter. May I dwell on the good, sweet, loving memories of my daddy.   May I give second and third and fourth chances, with a forgiving heart and a loving attitude. May I find the light of Jesus throughout my day.  May my whole life be about Him.  Finding Him throughout my day. Finding Him on good days, and then searching for Him relentlessly on the bad days.  For He is good.  He is right.  He is pure.  He is admirable.  He is lovely.  May I be like Him. And then, through these things, the peace of God will surround me. 

 

Easy to write about, easy to want to be like this, but hard to do. So, so hard to do.  And I will fail.  But luckily, He is forgiving.  Full of forgiveness. 

 

Burn bright. Shine. As Cohen is so fond of saying these days, that's our only choice.  Just shine.  I pray that I allow God to make me more like the verses above.  Mold me, create me, help me, and forgive me for falling short over and over again. 

 

I miss my daddy.  As I wrote the words at the beginning of this, I could feel God tugging at my heartstrings, gently reminding me that although my earthly father is no longer here, He is.  He's here, willing to give me another chance, and another, and another... to do things differently.  To be more. To be more like Him. 

 

All of me.  He wants all of me. 

To Be Like Noah...

 

It has been raining for hours.  Nonstop.  Cohen ran to me saying, "Mommy, we need to build an ark like Noah."  :-)  It got me thinking about ole Noah.  Noah, a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time.  And he walked with God. (Gen. 9:1)  I wish those words could be said of me. Noah's faith is astonishing to me.  Hebrews 11:7 states, "By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith."  So Noah was basically just amazing.  He followed God, trusted God, witnessed to the people around him about God, he lived for God.  And he raised his family to follow God as well.  His wife was there helping, along with his sons. 

 

God invited Noah into the ark.  Genesis 7:1, "Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation."  And just like God saved Noah from the flood, He saves us today from the darkness of this world.  The Bible starts out in Genesis with an invitation to be saved, and it ends with an invitation to be saved.  Revelation 22:17 says, "The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!"  And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life." 

 

This invitation is for anyone.  That verse says WHOEVER wishes.  We all need Him.  We need a Savior.  We need Jesus.  And those of us who have Jesus already, we need to be little Noahs in this dark world.  Living for Jesus, walking with God.  Warning the people, just as Noah did.  Doing God's work, in the midst of ridicule and cruelty.

 

Our world today couldn't be much different than the world that Noah lived in before the flood.  It's full of evil.  We need God to be our refuge.  As I was flipping through my dad's Bible tonight, the verse about God being our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble, was on my mind.  I looked at where the bookmark was in his Bible, and it was on the page of Psalm 16:1.  He had marked a little * next to this verse, "Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge."  This is a true story, too.  I had been praying, asking God for a glimpse of my dad today, and He provided.  I love how God works.  I love it.  And I'm so glad He's my refuge.  My hiding place. 

 

I pray that I will be more like Noah this week.  That I will walk with God more.  That I will be a wife of faith, a mom a faith, a teacher of faith, a friend of faith.  I pray that I will be what God desires me to be.  All of me.

 

I'm reminded of this old spiritual:

 

"I want Jesus to walk with me
I want Jesus to walk with me:
All along life's pilgrim journey
I want Jesus to walk with me

In my trials He'll walk with me
In my trials He'll walk with me
All along life's journey
I know that Jesus (Jesus walks with me) will walk with me ."

Demands My Soul, My Life, My All

Love So Amazing, So Divine.  Demands My Soul, My Life, My All

 

I read a blog today about a girl who started blogging after her dad died.  She called it her self-therapy, and the way she described it pretty much summed up how I feel.  During the year after my dad died, I feel I have poured myself and my grief into this blog, turning this process into a tangible product that I can look back on for years to come and see how God was working in my life through this time.  

 

It was December 2012 at one of our Bunko meetings that we were discussing blogs, and I decided that night even though I knew nothing about blogging, I was going to start writing one.  I figured surely I had something to say.  So I wrote a couple of them...deciding I didn't have much to say after all.  But then in February 2013, just 2 months later, my dad died, and God showed me that he had a plan for this blog after all.  He has allowed it to be an integral part of my grieving process, experiencing emotions and pain like I've never had to before.  But through this, He has provided the relief, the healing, the sounding board that I so desperately needed, right through this keyboard, onto this screen.  He orchestrates, y'all.  He never stops orchestrating.

 

I haven't blogged lately, not because I'm through feeling sad about my dad, but simply because blogging about this is exhausting.  It wears me out.  The relief I get when it's finally over can't be put into words; it's definitely healing.  But still, it's simply exhausting.  I've been so tired from life lately, that I just can't handle it. My mom sent me this quote that she read, "Grief never ends...but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith...it is the price of love."  How beautiful.  How true. 

 

For the past couple of weeks, I've just been sick back and forth with all these different things.  I think I'm better, then, BAM! It hits me again.  I'm pretty sick of it, to be honest.  Everyone always says you just want your momma when you don't feel good.  Except when you don't have your dad anymore.  Then you just want him.  At least that's how I've felt lately.  Not that I don't want my momma.  Nothing is like my mom's love.  But not being able to call my daddy...that's tough. 

 

So of course, when I'm down and out, I read his Bible.  Read his notes.  Read his thoughts.  And that leads me to His thoughts- the ones I'm supposed to be dwelling on.  Man, I need Jesus.  I need Him more, I need to be focused on Him more, consumed with Him more.  This world is so great at getting me sidetracked...it's ridiculous.  Before I know it, my day is over, and I've lost sight of my mission.  To shine. 

 

 I played a song yesterday- "The Wonderful Cross"  and it has "When I Survey the Wonderful Cross" mixed in with it.  I have a strong love for hymns.  They speak to me.  If you've ever read my blog, you know that before I play my song on Sunday, I always look up the words to the song even if I know them by heart...just to remind me of why I'm playing and Who I'm playing for.  The last stanza of "When I Survey" is astounding to me.  It moves me. "Love so amazing, so divine.  Demands my soul, my life, my all."  His love demands my all.  And that's simply all there is to it. 

 

That last stanza has resonated in my mind for almost 48 hours straight.  Then tonight I flip open a journal my dad has written notes in, and this is the page I see, written by him.  "To know God, I must study Jesus and His teachings.  God's creation is not to be worshiped.  But God is.  Jesus has fulfilled all.  You will never study too long.  You will never learn enough.  Has God worked in your life this week?  My life is not about what I want.  It's about glorifying the Father through Jesus.  The Holy Spirit will guide me.  But I must surrender my life to Him."  He has referenced at the top of the page John 14:6-25.  My favorite part of these verses:  "The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him.  But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me.  Because I live, you also will live." 

 

God never ceases to amaze me...how He shows Himself to me in the quietest moments.  He's got this.  He's got the whole world.  All in His hands.  And His love demands my soul, my life, my all. 

God's Orchestrating All the Time!

This is the day that the Lord hath made.  Let us rejoice and be glad! 

I've been humming this all day; my heart has been just a little bit lighter, my soul just a tad bit calmer.  We go through these trials...we go through our ups and our downs, our little roller coasters of life... so to have an up after such a long down is something to write about.  I don't know how long it will last, but today I will rejoice in it.  I have so much to be grateful for, to love my life for, to be excited about.  I'd like to say I will dwell on these things from now on and not let anything else come in the way, but that's just not realistic.

 

But to focus on a few things I can write about...that's easy.  I was thankful for my brother calling me the other night and being so sweet to me.  After reading my last blog, he told me that I'm a light that shines for him every day.  It's the nicest thing he's ever said to me, haha. 

 

And my mom...her encouraging words are never ending.  Her love is boundless.  Just what a mom should be.  To have a praying mom, one who loves her children so, is a blessing I'll never take for granted.

 

But to have my husband...he's my rock, my heart.  Full of love, full of patience, full of funnies to always cheer me up- that's him.  I'm greeted by a sweet text or a sticky note on the counter almost every single day from him. There's rarely a day that goes by that he skips this. I'm a lucky, lucky girl.  

Then to have my friends at work.  Oh boy, do we have a good time.  We know how to laugh.  And that's what makes the world go round.  We have to laugh to survive.  A day without laughter is a day wasted.  (And these pictures remind me, girls, that we need a picture of normal every day wear, haha!)

 

My sweet little boy.  My superhero. The one who draws A for mommy, and A's because she's awesome...

 

 

It's been so apparently clear to me lately how much God orchestrates every little part of our lives.  All these people He's put in my path, and all the people I haven't even mentioned (cause trust me, there's a whole lot!) are all here by His design.  When  I'm overwhelmed, He reminds me that He's right there.  By a funny text from an unsuspecting friend (not knowing that they are being used to cheer me up), by sweet words from Cohen's mouth (because honestly, where did the "A is for awesome and that's my mommy" come from except from God?), by silly little Facebook videos that happened to highlight my status as 25 years I've been a Christian, by sweet words that I'm being prayed for, by Mr. Don's "Amen" every single time I play the piano at church, no matter if it was great or awful,  it goes on and on.  God takes care of us.  Through each other.  That leaves me with one last little funny to put a smile on your face.